cocoart

Yesterday was rough. I didn't get any sleep on Monday night because it was incredibly hot and muggy and mosquitos kept chomping Nick and I. I had to wake up early to take a shower before the plumber came and shut off the water supply, then head over to school for a 4 hour state-required proficiency exam in an awful fluorescent room, then go to 2 classes and meet with one professor, then go to Office Max to reprint and rebind my assignment that was bound wrong by the binding lady the day before. (run on sentence?)

I was kind of proud of myself for getting through the day on no sleep. I can't imagine how people do that every day. They must just get used to it. I guess that's what it's like to be a mom, especially a working mom. I don't know how my mom did it.

Anyhow, another full day today. I have 2 classes, have to study for an exam tomorrow, then I'm taking Kaleem's friend out in the city....to do what, I dunno....I want to be a good hostess but I'm tired.....

I slept on my neck wrong. And it still hurts.

I came home from my intense school week, settled down on the couch, and started doing more work while heating up some minestrone soup. The doorbell rang and my first thought was that it was the wrong door (last week some girl walked into our apartment thinking it was someone else's) but was pleasantly surprised by Nick's brother Johnny and his bf Alex. We all four go on trips together and both of us couples started dating on the same week 3+ years ago, so we're all pretty close but don't hang out that much. I invited them in and we had some vino and they invited me to dinner. We went to Bonita (organic yummy fresh non-greasy Mexican/Cuban food) and the moment we sat down I felt this wave of "Phew! This is great! This is what it feels like to go out!" It was so very nice to hang out with boys-mellow, non-dramatic, easy going boys. It was also nice to catch up. I'm trying to convince them to dress up like Jermaine and Brett while Nick and I are Murray and Mel....for Halloween.

Afterwards I met up with Nick and we went to our friend Mike's house for his b-day. It was a solid group of 10 or 12 people, eating vegan curry and pumpkin soup and drinking vino, chatting and merry-making. We came in right as Mike's roommate was bringing out a homemade apple pie she made after apple-picking from an orchard behind the Met in Central Park. Delicious! Who knew you could pick apples in Central Park?! We stayed for a bit but once 3/4 of the smallish room started smoking, I opted to leave for fresh air and a good night's sleep.

Now it's morning and I'm sitting on the couch relaxing over Roobios tea and watching some sad HBO special about addiction. I have to go into the city to get a graduation audit done even though I'm not graduating for another year. I love my program but sometimes their systems are a bit weird.

Anyhow, I need to motivate myself now.

http://svt.se/hogafflahage/hogafflaHage_site/Kor/hestekor.html

It's been forever. I usually use my blogger blog, but lately I just haven't been around at all. Too much time as a whole on the computer yields not wanting to also blog on top of it all.





I went to Yosemite and Boston recently. Camping in Yosemite was amazing-it opened my eyes to exactly what I've been missing while stuck in an expensive dirty city. It was one of the most beautiful trips of my life and I read Walden while there, which was quite fitting. I went with my mom and my brother, which was like old times in that we had many fun intimate moments and then we also argued and hated each other. All in all, it felt great to be lying in a vacant meadow surrounded by water and mountains reading about getting closer to nature.

Boston was beautiful and I feel like people don't speak highly enough of it-maybe because New Yorkers hate Bostonians (ie the Red Sox/Yankees battle). The MFA was incredible-they have real mummies! and some great Buddhist and Chinese art. They also have some very famous Impressionist pieces. We did the Freedom Trail where you visit cemetaries, Paul Revere's house, Bunker Hill, etc...I've never been so into American History before. One of the things on the trail is the church my mom used to attend as a child (she lived in Boston for a few years in the 50s).








Back in NY I don't go out too much anymore. There's always something to do to the extent where it becomes overwhelming. I feel like I have to say no to my friends on a daily basis and it gets sort of stressful-sort of annoying. It's as if it's not so normal here to say "You know I just want to stay home and read/draw/watch a film/listen to music....by MYSELF!" I think my friends think I'm depressed or something when really I'm just more into simple things lately and also-has anyone else noticed this?-it takes so much more energy to go out lately. I hate to say that, but it's true. If I'm going to do something relatively relaxing, I'm motivated, but going "out out" is just too much effort. Like when I go to Las Vegas and there's all this crazy nightlife and I make plans to go out with my friends and end up cancelling to stay home and cuddle up with my sisters and eat popcorn and watch Disney movies. I like to do both, it's just the balance has shifted.

Nick and I may be moving back to SF, but we won't be certain for a few weeks. It's a bit stressful because it will affect a lot, mainly my schooling, but I'm trying to go with the flow and adopt the Buddhist mentality that...if there is a solution to a problem, why  do you need to worry, and if there isn't a solution to a problem, what's the use of worry? Initially the move would be between LA and SF but we're much more inclined to go to SF... LA is sunny and warm but blah blah blah! if you know what I mean. Plus, I'd have to get a car again which I really don't want/can't afford.

Anyhow, life is generally good. I have been getting headaches a lot and having a hard time motivating myself...who ARE those people who are like designers/singers/actors/humanitarians all at once? Do they sit down ever? I just like sitting down and shutting off...which has, I'll admit, involved way too much tv/movie watching lately. I just need to get out of my own head sometimes, but I should be meditating instead of rotting my brain.

Speaking of which-I need some f**king exercise! Cheers.

I haven't been sleeping too well and tonight it's muggy, hot, and thunderous.  I miss the constant warm dry days and cool breezes of California.

I've been back and forth trying to figure out when to quit my job. I will be taking 6 classes in the fall and I'll need at least one full day for homework and one full day of rest (or I know I'll get sick and/or go crazy) and I doubt my job will allow me to work that little, and even if they do they'll try to stop me from going out of town during the holidays, which is madness. I barely see my family anymore, mosly because I can't leave town during holidays like normal people. Anyhow, there's a big catch 22 with the school-work debate and I need tips on sorting out the pros and cons...

PROS to quitting:

*I can focus a lot more energy on school-build up a portfolio and actually retain info vs just temporarily memorizing it for exams.
*I can graduate sooner by taking more classes.
*I can get an internship with my 1+ day I'm not working, which can lead to a job and more money sooner (thus offsetting the loans somewhat)
*I can travel when I want to.
*I will be super happy spending my time in artistic endeavors versus helping hammertoe bunion people.
*I can get free health insurance from school as opposed to paying $250/month thru work.

CONS:

*I will rack up more bills
*I will have lesser quality health insurance.

Clearly the pros are winning here....now it's just a matter of time. And BTW RM, looking into ACL still-it's a budget/time issue but I think it can work as for some reason that week of school is cut short for me. It would be rushed, but fun!

What was the last wedding you went to? Were you in the wedding?

Went to Nick's dad's wedding earlier this month in bermuda. was not in the wedding, but thoroughly enjoyed it.

I don't know what to write. Nick's in Phili seeing Arcade Fire and he's just informed me  that his bestfriend got a ticket for me to see their Tuesday show in New York (right on, I can't freaking wait). I had some work friends over and they were impressed by my place. I still get so excited by people coming over, and liking our place. I think it's because as a kid I couldn't really invite people over or feel like I had a nice place for them to hang out at.

Anyhow, there are these moments in songs which just need to be fucking listened to. period. without interruption...almost as if people should  just know to pause when important parts of certain pointsare played. And....I played these songs for my friends that they' d never heard before and I turned out the light and I forced them to fucking listen. I actually said "Okay, put down everything, put your head back, and listen", and we did. It was fabulous-for me anyway. I think those are the moments that create memories- when you're stuck inside music-actually experiencing it.

As much as Nick thinks I'm an elitist in certain ways, were both musical elitists in that we rely and base so much of our lives on music. We could never be good friends with someone who didn't connect to music. How can one not-It almost marks  them as nihilists.

I'd rather be in love with everthing than nothing.

I had this very long discussion with Nick over dinner about drug use in America and basically he called me I'm a "60s Elitist" because I have this hippie pot mentality which secretly judges people who drink but look down on pot. It's true, I admit it. I think people generally expand their minds with drugs and unless they get caught up in them, drugs can be very positive. He brought up how in certain communities even pot can be detrimental. I agree, but  like anything there are goods and bads. I guess also I'm blessed with good experiences, such as lack of anxiety as opposed to paranoia.

OMG Suddenly my apartment smells like baked beans and that is a good thing!

Anyhow, I have digressed. I certainly have friends who have never smoked, in fact my good friend is from Holland and has never touched anything but alcohol, not even ciggarettes. I guess I'm thinking about this because I'm back in school and around all these 18-19 year olds and I'm surprised that no one is into pot. Maybe I should think of this as a good thing, but when alcohol is their alternative I don't. Maybe I'm just a child of a post-60's community. Yeah, probably that. My 16 year old sister says that no one calls it "pot" anymore. Ha ha! It;s like hearing my mom say "doobies" I guess. Am I that old already?

Does anyone else feel awkward about their age? It's a strange time because in our generation 27 is very different than the 27 of our parents (who also grew up in faster paced cities). As a girl you are in this stage where you feel like having babies even if mentally you're not ready yet (or, are you ever?) and the boys aren't necessarily up to this speed. Plus, feminism aside, I want to have a career and do my own thing but as a girl who wants to have kids you do automatically (at this age) start considering the timing of children into all of your goals. Boys career lives wouldn't change so much, but girls' lives would. At the same time I think "I'm f***ing 27, I have so much more time to be selfish, why worry about timing?"

Does this make sense, I always write when I'm up late and inebriated?

I thought that by hanging out with young kids I'd stop having baby fever (b/c it's worked in the past), but check out these pictures and  you'll realize where the fever comes from...(Zphyna's bay Elena True)

School has officially taken over my life. Especially now in finals time when your external hardrive stops booting and it has your semester's work on it.

But I'm not complaining, life is sweet. I just made chocolate chip cookies to dip in some (soy)milk. Lovely!

Some updated pictures on my new cam:

School is hard. Especially when you are also working and you can't seem to find any time to just be alone and quiet without someone needing something from you (RM I know you know better than me). I need to figure out a good private school loan place...interest rates are killer these days. Anyone got any recommendations?

Wednesday officially starts my Spring Break. Given that I never celebrated it the first time through college, I'm going to go at with a bang this time. Nick is taking us to Barbados for my Spring Break, as an anniversary/birthday present. WOOOOHOOOO! Then I'm off to Las Vegas to see my fast growing sisters and my blonde mom and my crackhead stepdad (who I am told not to mention the name 'Al Gore' to, which will be challenging since I'm in an Environmental Econ course reading Crimes Against Nature and analyzing An Inconvenient Truth). I'd like to get some real color as I'm starting to look transparent. Yes, transparent.

I got (Ben if you're out there) the Canon Rebel XT and I f***king love it. It was a painful price but I haven't had a decent camera since highschool when, to be honest, my manual camera also sucked even though I enjoyed it (I think it was a Vivitar-try not to shame me). I'm learning how to use RAW format and do crazy shite on Photoshop. I can't wait to take pix on vacation. Dammit I can't wait to BE on vacation. This has been the longest winter of my life. There is still snow on the ground as I write this. I WANT SUNSHINE! And just when it gets pleasant it will launch into sweat madness. Hot packed subways (fuck me) and such. New York is too muggy to be so crowded.

Speaking of sunshine, I love sunny barbeques. BBQ's in general just rock. I love "smoking a doobie" (as my mom calls it) and drinking Corona with lime and lying out in the sun just munching away. I think I will truly appreciate this summer not only b/c I've been waiting for the sun for so long, but also because I've been doing so much with school and all.

Anyhow, I think I need to get away from the computer before my eyes truly cross.

Cheers!

Do not eat pizza when you are lactose intolerant, regardless of how good it tastes. You will most definitely regret it.

Dude, it's been forever. I've been ridunculously busy! Not only with work and school, but also with the most hellish flu of my life and some awful stomach problems from my damn antibiotics. On the plus side, after I finish all of this hard work, midterms, activism letters, shoeselling and more, I will have nearly 2 much needed weeks off. Hallelujah!

It's 5:17 am. I was trying to post on my computer but just as I was saying that my computer seems slower since I've updated Firefox, my computer froze and started acting annoying. So here I am. And it's freaking late/early. Nick is passed out on the couch and I'm about to drag him into bed. We got back about an hour ago from his friend's house party. Very fun. I'm awake now b/c I made a promise to take it easy tonight after becoming trashed and belligerent last night at a concert. Belligerent as in I blacked out (for the first time in ages) and started crying about who knows what.  My recollection was that I had a great time at the show, but Nick has a different story. I. Am. Ashamed.

I am in the cracked out mde right now where I'm exhausted but not sleepy. I've been watching Passport to Europe and learning about Valencia, Santorini, and Helsinki. Damn I'm addicted to travel.

I'm gonna keep this brief:

RM: Don't take diet pills-they will make you nervous and Type-A and you just need to cut back the amount of food you're eating and exercise more if you want to lose poundage.
Ben D. Would love to discuss cams more as I'm now taking a digi photo class and am in the market for an SLR/SLR-like cam with a variety of options I don't have on  my cam

Hope all is well for everyone.

Ciao

Swedish band I saw at Bowery last week....aside from the fact that it was wayyy tooooo crowded and I felt like I could pass out, it was great!

that i'm always looking for the perfect salsa. i am the quintessential salsa conossieur. i can tell you that nothing coming from a jar will ever taste natural and entirely fresh (uh, duh), and that there is always a competition between tomatoes and citrus (lemon or preferably lime). i can also say that unless you are an avid cilantro hater (and therefor we can no longer be friends), there is never enough cilantro. one can love the drippy salsa, the kind that sits like soup on your chip, but only a true lover can appreciate the flavors of a fresh chunky variety.

with that said, my salsa was bad today and i feel overcome with disappointment.

okay, i'm being a bit dramatic.

i'm sitting on my couch drinking beer (Harpoon IPA-one must try-so delic!), searching the internet, and watching (crap) tv. check this Grey's Anatomy subplot out: an ex-Amish lesbian couple come into the hospital so one of them can get checked out for some pain, then they find out she's dying of cancer, then the Amish parents appear and want to bring their daughter home but if she goes home she has to shun her lesbian lover, and in the end the lesbian unsick lover tells her sick lover that she can shun her so that she can go back to her Amish lifestyle and die in peace, meanwhile she'll be using her TV and hairdryer.  (does that make sense?)

what the fuck kind of writing is that!??!

i've been rambling non-stop lately, i think b/c i'm nervous about going back to school.
    rosa, i'm double majoring in graphic design and spanish.
i'm completely flipping my own life around. sometimes it makes me excited, other moments it makes me feel like just melting into my bed.

Yeahhhh! I'm leaving in a few hours for Vermont to go skiing. I'm actually quite nervous (okay, I'm a worry wort and I'm nervous a lot) because the weather is insane. I think It's going to be a high of 16 and a low of 6. WTF! Why am I doing this again?

My mom made me get health insurance before I left. I was trying to sneak it past her that I had none, and then when I smashed my foot in a car door in San Francisco (damn crooked streets) I had to tell her why I was avoiding going to a doctor. She got fired up "You're telling me that you can afford to go skiing but you can't afford health insurance?!" to which I replied "Okay, okay, I'll go sledding instead!" "Sledding is more dangerous than skiing Sara!" "Oh". Let me say that health insurance in California is a quarter of the price of the same policy in NY, in part because they mostly base your insurance on your zip code as opposed to your age and health history. Ridiculous!

Tangent:
My friend's book release party was last night at the Tribeca Grand Hotel. Tres chic! I told Nick as a joke that if the guy Bronques from www.lastnightsparty.com comes by to take photos, that Amanda (author/friend) will be set. Around an hour later he was there! I felt like I had sent out telepathic messages or something. If by chance my pic goes up, I damn well hope it's a good one. One of the reasons I enjoy being the photographer is because of my vanity-there are just certain angles that make me look like a horrible troll-and if I'm taking the pix then I can trash the pix ;-)

Okay so what do you pack for freezing temperatures? I hate when you overdress and feel like a dough boy and can't bend your limbs properly. My brother and I used to put big sweats on and stuff them with pillows and towels and then run into each other like sumo wrestlers. I may just have to introduce this sport into the couple olympics that take place in Vermont-which basically entails me and 3 rather small boys competing at foosball, scrabble, and trivial pursuit (I want so badly to be good at this game but I suck!). If I can add sumo wrestling,l Nick & I may just win because thanks to my older brother I am a mean wrestler. I should also add some pop culture game-I'd kick butt.

Off to pack, everyone have a great weekend!

I was going to say goodbye to LJ and stick to Blogger, but I realized tonight that LJ is great for those drunken or faraway nights in which I feel like rambling out loud but not posting to a world where my mother reads every word. So here goes...(and RMD I think you're the only one who reads this so anyone else there give me a hoot so I know you're there)...

I've had a crazy 2006, just as I've had a crazy 2005, and 2004, and so forth. I went home to SF and saw my friend who's been MIA and she basically blew me over like every other friend in her life-which is sad b/c I feel like she's lost in this big world where no one understands her and she just doesn't get that we all love her and are here for her. But it's gotten to the point where we all must stop trying and just move on with our own lives-I hope she catches up before we have let go of her.

I'm going (back) to school in a week and a half and I'm uber anxious. I'm double majoring in Graphic Design and Spanish and I'm extremely excited about going back to school but it's also very weird to be going to a public school for the first time. Although I was never the rich girl, I always went to school with kids who owned the Levis factory or whose mom created a famous logo, and know I'm in school with ex-cons and teen moms. Sounds so mean, but I don't mean it that way. I guess now the dynamic has changed b/c instead of being the poorest in the group I'm probably one of the most well-off. It's a bizarre transition. It's good in that it will teach me about the whole of the US and not just this bubble I've been experiencing.

Will write more when not drinking...

I had an incredibly full and fun day yesterday which went something like this...

1. Breakfast in Napa with my ma and bro (breakfast=amaranth, don't knock it till you've tried it).
2. Drive to Berkeley and see ex-neighbor friend John and eat Tostaditas at my old local spot. Exchange gifts-he gave me 4 options and I ended up with drawing paper and a pack of nasty ass ciggs.
3. Drive to San Francisco and pick up a load of stuff Nick and I had left behind at his old apartment, all of which now smells  like mildew.
4. Drive to North Beach and have coffee at Amber & Michael's. Discuss jobs, the holidays, anemia.
5. Drive to the Mission with Amber and visit my old hood/her mom's shop. Leave 1/2 of the carload of clothes, sheets, pillows, and blankets on the street where it was cleared out within 25 minutes. (The San Francisco homeless are on it!) Take another armload and sell it at Painted Bird in exchange for 2 brass charm necklaces (one for each of us).
6. Roam around the shops on Valencia, buy some dope never-before-seen shoes at ShoeBiz. Find incredibly whimsical and cute card-stationary-etc store: www.littleotsu.com
7. Walk to Charanga with Amber, meet up with Kate, have a fabulous Cuban meal of Red Sangria, coconut rice, maduros, arroz con pollo, shrimp & calamari, beet & persimmon salad. Yahooozer!
8. Walk to the Make Out Room with the girls, say adieu to Amber, meet up with old friends, run into someone I haven't seen in 12 years.
9. Taxi on over to the Mint and sing Papa Don't Preach with Marco while my voice is fading, then run into an old coworker who's waving at me from the front row while I'm dying onstage.
10. Crash out at Kate's for the night after a long and interesting conversation about everything from the complexities of kids growing up with privilege to why all these Hollywood girls keep showing their who-has.

I miiiissss San Francisco.